How do you know when your marriage is falling apart?
Aren’t you tired of getting less happiness in your
marriage than you deserve?
Do you have a feeling your marriage is failing and how
to know if it really does?
There are 7 main signs your marriage is falling apart,
and if you tick off all the boxes – you might want to spear some time on how to
fix your marriage before it’s too late.
In this article, I will list them all.
Also, you will find out about the 7
crucial habits of every healthy and strong marriage and 7 secret keys to fixing
your broken marriage.
Wow, that’s so much valuable information. You are
about to hop on a life-changing journey.
Let’s dive in.
1. Boredom in marriage
You know what?
Marriage isn’t an on-going party 24/7 and life could
get boring now and then. You both go to work, have some dinner, deal with the
kids’ homework, send them in their beds, and watch TV until the time to finally
put your tired bodies in the bed come.
It sounds familiar and normal.
Wrong!
It sounds worrying and boring.
And while the first part is correct (marriage isn’t a
24/7 party), the fact your days go in the same similar routine week after week
and month after month is destructive to your marriage.
None of you signed for emotionless grey evenings full
of children’s screaming and glamour TV shows for life. And I am sure that even
if it sounds normal if you ask yourself “Is this how I want my days to look
like for the rest of my life?” you will feel a panicking ball forming in your
guts.
Because you know that’s not right.
And just because everyone spends their days in this
way, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy and will make you happy.
Your marriage could be on the road of falling apart if
you are constantly bored, every day.
If your spouse feels bored too, can you guarantee they are happy staying like that forever?
2. No Affection in Marriage
The butterflies might be long gone from your
relationship with your spouse, but it doesn’t mean the connection and the
affection should disappear too.
Fact: The lack of
affection in marriage is the first reason for married people to feel distant
from their partner, and that could gradually grow into lack of love and even
infidelity. None of which would make you happy.
I completely understand you.
Feeling lonely in a marriage is one of the most
heartbreaking feelings ever. You are with someone who is supposed to be
the love of your life and at the same time, you feel you couldn’t be further
away from him. It’s painful and devastating.
It is also a sure sign your marriage is falling apart.
3. Poor Communication
Somehow, in 80% of the cases, wives are the ones to
spot this first.
Poor communication means that you don’t have to
emotionally connect with your spouse. It feels like you don’t have much to talk
about, you both live your separate lives, talk over the same stuff all the time
and eventually go over the most important topics of the day and leave it there.
But what about the soul-touching midnight
conversations you used to have? Where did they go?
You always had what to talk about, and now things have
changed.
On top of that, it looks like you both
love each other, but somehow never know what to discuss.
Broken communication is a very common problem in every
relationship and especially in marriages that last for over 5 or even 10 years.
Maybe at some point, you decided you don’t want to ask
him of his opinion because you already know what he’ll say. Maybe he thought
the same, a practice that multiplied for a few hundred times, and you ended up
talking about insignificant things for the last few months or so.
Is it possible that you tried to approach
your spouse on a subject, but he overreacted, and you felt rejected and
disrespected? Why would you initiate another similar conversation after that?
Unfortunately, all these signs of poor communication
could hurt your connection with your spouse and eventually lead to its failure.
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4. Negativity in Marriage
We’ve all been there.
We go home at the end of a very, very (very) stressful
day, open the door and start bombarding our partner with negativity,
badmouthing everyone we met today and be grumpy for hours.
We are negative.
Because we are stressed. We are tired of
chores. We are fed up with stupidity at the office and overwhelmed with tasks
we don’t enjoy.
Then, our spouse does something small and
“unthoughtful”, and we point our anger towards him. Screaming or staying
grumpy, giving the silent treatment, rejecting every try to change our mood…
Negativity kills your happiness in
marriage.
Negativity kills every relationship you
have – even the one with yourself.
And it will definitely be a reason for a failed marriage.
5. Infidelity
Many painful things could fail marriage, but
infidelity holds the first place. It’s devastating and hard to accept. It’s
even harder to forgive a cheating spouse.
How do you move on after you find out your spouse has
cheated on you?
How do you trust them again?
How do you look into their eyes and feel the touch of
their hands without thinking about “the other”?
Infidelity is the most obvious sign that your marriage is going down fast, and you must act.
6. Broken Trust
The previous sign – infidelity usually causes it.
However, not always.
A broken trust could occur after broken promises,
being let down many times or because of poor communication.
To make matters worse, broken trust accompanied by any other sign on this list is a deal-breaker for your marriage.
7. Rejection
You might mistake this with No Affection sign for a
failing marriage, but rejection could be even more painful.
Many men feel rejected by their wives, especially when
it comes to bedroom activities. And while ladies don’t think it’s something
significant to say No to intimacy for a few days in a row, most men feel deeply
wounded by it.
You see, men are thought to be tough and
strong. Their only time to strip down their toughness and be vulnerable is when
they make love to their woman. If they feel
they’ve been rejected over and over again, they slowly withdraw themselves.
That’s when they will stop hugging their wife, asking her if she needs help or
initiating any type of intimacy that she might enjoy.
And it’s not because they punish their lady,
but because they feel she wouldn’t enjoy any of it. They would feel
distanced and disconnected, and things will only go worse.
At this point, the woman already feels properly
rejected on an emotional level. He doesn’t help in the house, he doesn’t kiss
and hug her anymore; he is distant and never wants to talk to her. He initiates
intimacy every once in a while, but how could he expect anything to happen in
the bed if he doesn’t want to connect outside of the bedroom.
Women need emotional closeness to connect
physically, and men need physical closeness to connect emotionally.
And if one of these points fail, the rest follow very fast.
Bonus: Lack of Love
General lack of love might sound boring and too
summarising to you, right?
I feel you.
But by lack of love, I would like to list many small
signs that your marriage is in danger and you must act before it’s’ too late.
- Ignoring each
other’s needs and wishes
- Disrespect –
intentional or not
- Lack
of understanding.
- Not
listening when the other talks, because
you are too busy thinking he never listens to you, so why should you?
- Hidden
hatred because one of you feels
ignored and misunderstood.
- You
are not spending enough (or any) time together
to rekindle your relationship.
- Constant nagging or
ignoring each other.
- Lack
of compassion for the other.
All of them sound disturbing and need your attention.
They also indicate deep problems in your marriage and a threat
of falling apart.
What To Do When You Know Your Marriage Is
Falling Apart?
The first thing I would advise you to do is to further
dig into the problems.
I know, it might seem like you have all of the
marriage issues I listed above.
However, often, we exaggerate and overreact, and
that’s normal. We are victims of our emotions, but this shouldn’t be a reason
to mislead ourselves about the real size of a problem.
The first thing I’d like you to do is to get
familiar with how healthy relationships and marriages work. You can
never achieve a result unless you know how the result looks like, right?
So, here are 7 most important habits you must
have developed before you start fixing your marriage.
They are connected to each other, don’t skip reading through them.
1. Honesty in Marriage
I know, it sounds so logical, right?
Who wouldn’t be honest when trying to fix their
marriage? You are ready to honestly share everything that pisses you off in the
other person …
But what about the honesty to admit that
there are things you did or didn’t do that led you to that moment?
Are you ready to put your hand on your heart and admit what you did wrong? Because no marriage could survive if honesty isn’t present.
2. Kindness
Once you’ve been honest with each other, are you kind
enough to not explode and call names? Are you kind enough to hold your breath
and not make things even worse? Are you kind enough to appreciate the other’s
honesty?
Kindness should be something we all have,
but it isn’t what we all practice. Being kind is a quality,
but practising this kindness is a blessing to people around us… and ultimately
ourselves.
Are you kind?
3. Compromising
I am talking about my sweet neighbours – a couple in
their 70s that have one of the strongest relationships ever. They’ve been
married for over 50 years, and one of the first things they said when I asked
them about their secret was to say “compromises”.
You see… your partner isn’t perfect, and you are
well aware of that by now.
But you aren’t perfect, either. Compromising with each other is an everyday activity both of you should practise. I don’t talk about compromising with stuff that really bothers you, but the small, insignificant things that wouldn’t matter in 5 years from now shouldn’t e a topic of an argument. Compromise.
4. Forgiveness
Honesty will open your minds.
Kindness will be like a cold cream on
burnt skin.
Compromising could fix things today.
But forgiveness will open your hearts and
allow you to create your happily ever after.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we face in our lives. Letting go of the urge to “remind them how they treated us” is the secret pill to fixing your marriage when it’s falling apart.
5. Fidelity
Don’t shake your head; I know that’s logical. But
I don’t talk about fidelity as not sleeping with other people.
Let me tell you something crucial that no
one else wants to admit nowadays.
Marriage is still what it used to be.
Yes, we have a wider choice to “catch the right
person”.
We have bigger responsibilities and louder arguments.
We have a bigger chance to fail.
Yet, we have a bigger chance to succeed too.
The world that limits us is actually the world that
liberates us. With so many opportunities to learn and different ideas to put in
practice, it is your infidelity towards the idea of marriage that will save
your relationship.
Do you believe that marriage is just a piece of paper that hangs on the wall and doesn’t do the job? Or do you believe that marriage is a secret union of two souls, and it is you and your spouse that must make it work? No. Matter. What.
6. Will To Work
I’ll keep this short and sweet: Without the will to work and waiting for the other to fix themselves is your fastest way to the divorce.
7. Undivided Attention
Your marriage needs your undivided attention.
Everything you do from this day on should
be in the name of making things work for you two.
Once you accept that there’s no other way but to fix
things up and create the relationship you both deserve, you know you are on the
right way.
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