Trust is a foundational block and fundamental aspect
of every relationship. Simply put: You can’t have a relationship
without trust.
The lack of trust in relationships can create a whole
host of problems. From constant fighting and arguing to a poor sex life to
being completely closed off to each other’s life experiences.
Trust doesn’t disappear overnight. In fact, in most
situations where couples find they no longer trust each other, it’s usually due
to small acts over time. Just like couples who have built strong trust
foundations build it over time, the opposite can also happen.
In some cases, trust disappears because a singular act
with a large impact, such as an affair. However, even in these situations,
there were small acts of distrust being performed, but maybe not as damaging as
the one major act of betrayal.
Whichever end of the stick you find
yourself on, you’re here because you’re hurting and you don’t want to be. While
this is a painful process, it’s one that ends in joy.
If you’re here, I imagine you want to keep
going in this relationship. And, I’m here to tell you that you absolutely
can. This is a solvable problem that so many couples have
faced and come out on the other side of. You can, too.
I’m going to walk you through several dynamics to start rebuilding trust and repairing your relationship. Take notes and be sure to save this for later references!
Be honest and open with your
communication.
Now is not the time to keep things to yourself or
shove things under the rug. If you feel that there is broken trust that needs
mending, you need to be open and honest with your partner about what it looks
like.
Here are some baseline questions to ask
each other:
- What
certain behaviors are either one of you doing that are mending or damaging
trust?
- Do
you feel safe to be completely, but compassionately, honest about your
needs, thoughts, and opinions? Does your partner?
- Do
you feel heard? Do you feel like your partner understands your perspective
and vice versa?
- What
story are you telling yourself? Can you share it with your partner so they
can offer insight?
Start with those questions and go from there.
Make your goal to listen over being heard. It
may be a difficult goal to achieve at first, especially if you feel like you’re
in an unfair spot, but it’s one of the best ways to ensure that you are both
heard in the long run.
If it at the end of the conversation, you feel like
neither of you came to a conclusion, don’t be afraid to say something along the
lines of “I value what you have to say so much, but I just don’t feel like we
found common ground. Can we pick this conversation back up again in 20
minutes/an hour/tomorrow?”
It’s important to set a time to return to the conversation. By setting this time, you’re creating an invitation and reestablishing trust. In addition, you’re also creating space for both of you to get new perspectives, digest the conversation, and process any emotions that may have come up.
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Assume the positive.
There’s actually a term for this and it’s called “positive
sentiment override”. This is where a partner is aware of their partner’s
shortcomings and annoying personality traits, but overall, sees them in a
positive light. Essentially, saying “the good outweighs the bad” and making
that their mantra.
Every person is going to have traits we don’t enjoy.
Every couple is going to have recurring arguments over those traits. It’s part
of the process.
However, when you’re in a situation where you feel as
though you can’t trust your partner, those traits that would normally be
background noise become full-blown life and death issues. This is known
as “negative sentiment override”.
While it may seem like the ball is in your partner’s
court to “cure” the lack of trust between you, you also have immense power over
the situation. Your key role is to keep coming back to that positive
mindset.
I’m not saying it’s going to be a walk in the park,
especially if there was some level of betrayal (such as an affair) that lead to
a break in trust. However, if you want this relationship and you want this
relationship to thrive, then you need to commit to this mindset first and
foremost.
What does a positive mindset and positive
sentiment override look like in real life?
- Using
tasteful and encouraging humor during arguments and tense conversations.
- Approaching
your partner over grievances gently (aka avoiding criticism, blaming,
and/or interrogation tactics).
- Prioritizing
the friendship bond between you and your partner.
- Focusing
on the traits you love about your partner. (It may be helpful to write a
few of these out daily in the beginning.)
- Giving
your partner the benefit of the doubt when mistakes are made.
- Committing
to repairing any damages/grievances in a timely, but gentle, way.
- Ex: Your partner talked all about their day and forgot to ask about yours. Instead of exploding “Why don’t you care about me?” a week later over something less relevant, taking a moment after they finished talking to say, “I love hearing about your day and what you’re up to. I’m feeling upset right now because I didn’t get a chance to talk. In the future, I would love it if you could ask about my day, too.
A note on forgiveness.
None of these tactics and tips are going to be
effective if you’re not in a forgiveness mindset. If there was an act of
betrayal, then you may not be there yet.
It’s okay if you need time to get there. However,
it’s important to communicate this need to your partner and keep them in the
loop, even if you’d rather go silent. Stonewalling at this point will only
exacerbate the issue and cause more pain.
Healing doesn’t happen in a linear
pattern. Neither will rebuilding trust. There may be
moments when you feel that you two finally have the hang of it again. And there
may be moments when you feel like you two have made no progress at all. This is
all part of the journey.
Forgiveness is also not a straight path. It’s more of
cycle between accepting what happened, feeling the feelings that come, and
letting them go. Over time, it’ll become easier and faster. You have the time
and space you need to go through that cycle as many times as necessary to heal.
What’s important is not how fast you
forgive or your partner forgives, but that you’re always making moves to keep
healing and letting go of past resentments. That is
what is going to heal your relationship and cause it thrive the most.
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse or condone the harm and damages done, but it does forge the path of peace and joy in your personal life and your life together as a couple.
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Or if your man seems to be drifting further away each
day...
Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.
Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing your
man can hear that will change his mind and heart.
And once you say this to him, or even send this simple
phrase in a text message...
It will flip his world upside down and you will
suddenly find him chasing you...
And even begging to be with you. So Click Below And
Discover The Secret Now Before It’s too late
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