Having to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself: “My husband hates me” is one of the things every woman dreads the most.
But sadly, there are women who’ve been through the hell
of this realization. And they will all tell you one thing: it’s one of the most
painful things you can experience.
But how do you know if he’s really stopped loving
you, or if this is just a phase you’re going through? What if this is temporary
and can easily be solved? Or even worse, what if it isn’t?
Well, first look for signs that can tell you that his
love has turned into something different. You can’t solve a problem until
you’re 100% sure that you have it in the first place.
If you conclude that this is the case in your
marriage, below you’ll find necessary tips that’ll help you save your marriage!
What Are The Signs My Husband Hates Me?
What are the signs your husband hates you? Well, even
though every person in this world processes and displays their emotions in a
unique way, there are some common behavioral patterns men display when they
fall out of love with you.
I know because I’ve been through a similar situation.
Here are the red flags that made me admit to myself that my husband hates me.
Lack of communication
Lack
of communication doesn’t necessarily mean that the love is gone, so what you
should do is listen to what your gut is telling you.
If you feel tense while he’s around and yet you’re not
talking, you’re not yelling or fighting, that could mean that something’s up.
When we’re connected to someone, we can sense
their emotions and that affects us.
So, if there’s tension and negative feelings, but no
communication, your gut might be right.
The biggest issue here is that your husband literally
refuses to talk to you. Yes, your marriage is a two-way street. It means you
should both carry a part of the responsibility for the state of it.
Nevertheless, if we’re honest, your husband feels like
he doesn’t have anything to tell you. Even if you try talking to him, he hits
you with the silent treatment.
When you two have an issue that needs to be resolved,
he refuses to work on it. You no longer share your little inside jokes and you
don’t talk about how you’ve spent your day.
No deep conversations
If someone else saw you, they would never notice
something is wrong. You two have empty, meaningless conversations but the deep
connection you once shared is long gone.
People often mistakenly assume that the couples who
don’t raise their voices or argue are the happiest. Well, let me tell you that
in some cases, this can’t be further from the truth.
Sometimes, you despise the other person to the point
where you think they don’t deserve even an insult coming from you. So you just
stop talking to them.
I hate to break it to you but this is probably what’s
going through your husband’s head. And that’s a sign he hates you.
You fight all the time
All couples fight and whoever tells you otherwise is
lying. To be honest, there are arguments in every relationship- sometimes you
have a dispute with your parents, best friends, siblings, family, or coworkers.
This is a part of human nature. We get upset about
something, there are times when we yell and it all turns into a big fight.
But it’s different when it comes to your marriage. If
you’re honest, you’ll admit that you and your husband fight all the time.
Actually, you can’t think of the last day you guys didn’t have the smallest
fight.
You can’t even have a normal conversation without one
of you snapping and starting a fight.
If it’s him in most cases and if he blames you for his
problems or for every little thing that happens, that’s a sign he’s comfortable
with making you feel bad.
This is also one of the traits of a narcissist,
but if he wasn’t like this from the first time you met him, then he probably
doesn’t belong to this toxic crew.
So, unless he’s ready to sit down and address the
problem (instead of being a full-time asshole), this could be something that’s
going to affect you really badly if you decide to stay.
He hardly puts any effort into the
marriage anymore
When you watch a romantic movie, it always ends with a
couple standing in front of an aisle. They overcame each one of their obstacles
and are off to their happy marriage.
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What To Do If Husband Hates You?
If your husband despises you, first you have to figure
out whether your marriage is worth saving or not. If you think there is no
point in fighting for it- just leave and find a way to heal the best way
possible.
I’m sure there are plenty of qualified and dedicated
marriage counselors out there waiting for you to simply ask for their help.
But before doing that, make sure to check the
following tips that’ll help you see things more clearly and save your marriage:
Honesty
Honesty is the first step toward regaining love and
that’s why it is important for both of you to be honest with each other.
So, instead of only thinking about that one sentence
“My husband hates me,” sit down and tell him how you really feel right now and
be prepared to accept his reply, even if it hurts to hear it.
This is not the time to play mind games. This is not
the moment to be passive-aggressive and to wait for him to magically
change.
Trust me- this kind of behavior could cost you your
marriage. Instead, get the courage and tell him that you’ve noticed his change
of heart. After all, you have nothing to lose, do you?
Not everything is black and white and you could both
be to blame for your marriage falling apart.
And try to open up more often – don’t ignore your feelings,
don’t ignore the pain; it’ll only pile up until one of you snaps again.
Communication
Most couples come home from work, turn on the TV, do
house chores, deal with the kids, and never talk to each other.
They go to bed exhausted and separated, drained from
the difficulty of everyday tasks, but without sharing the load with
someone. Healthy communication is the next step to take.
Try to make a deal that you’ll talk to each other
every day for a certain amount of time and that you’ll stick to that decision.
There’s no way you can know how he feels if he doesn’t
tell you. And there’s no way he’ll know what you need from him unless you make
him aware of it. Communication is key, so treat it that way.
You’d be surprised to find out that even just a bit of
talking goes a long way.
You’ll feel closer to each other and you’ll find a way
to enjoy each other’s company like you used to.
Of course, the first topic on the list is your
husband’s resentment. I know you’re heartbroken and can’t get
yourself to listen about how he stopped loving you.
Nevertheless, this is a must. You two must find the
root of your problems and the only way to do it is through honest
communication.
Meet each other’s needs
Remember when you first started dating and you wanted
to do anything just to make the other one happy? What happened to that?
Your obligations, kids, work, and stress took away
your will and time for that? You no longer know what his needs are? Or did you
start taking each other for granted?
Well, it’s about time to change that. It’s time to win
each other over again.
Try to find time to take care of each other. You
really need a massage after a long day?
Offer him one too, if he’s up for it. Does he need
help with a work presentation? Give him some of your focused attention. Trust
me- it’s all about the little things that make the biggest
difference.
Don’t make excuses – if you do, he won’t turn to you
next time. Show each other that you still matter, that your feelings and needs
matter, but make sure it’s not a one-sided relationship. Work together.
Become friends
If there is no more passion between you two, why
wouldn’t you try being friends? That’s just for a start, of course, until you
awaken the spark.
Remember that you are not just lovers– you’re
partners in crime. And that includes friendship, as well.
A good trick is to talk to each other in the third
person. Pretend that your husband is your friend who is complaining about his
wife- who is not you.
What would you tell him? What advice would you give
him? How would you observe this entire situation, if you weren’t the lead role?
This might sound absurd at first, but if you come to
think of it- it certainly does give you a broader perspective on things. Of
course, you can play this game both ways.
Fight for your marriage
I’ll be honest with you: you won’t achieve anything if
you’re the only one doing all the work. The willingness to save your
relationship has to come from both of you.
Remember that you’re a team. Truth be told, you both
screwed up your marriage and now it’s time to join forces in bringing it up
from the ashes.
Work together, fight together. Agree that you will do
it together, that you CAN do it.
Make a list of reasons why you want to save your
marriage and why you fell in love in the first place.
Make a list of things that you once loved and
cherished about each other.
It’ll help you to see that it really is worth it.
It’ll help you to understand how much you’ve changed over the years and that
your love has also changed.
You matured differently, and so did your love. Now
it’s time to work on it once more, to truly show you care about each other.
Final Thoughts
When we decide to spend our life with someone, we
don’t expect it to fall apart. We don’t expect that the person who promised to
love us till death do us part will stop caring.
We don’t expect to all of a sudden be occupied with
that one sentence: “My husband hates me.”
But sadly, these things happen. What I want you to
know is that even if he stopped loving you and even if you don’t succeed in
saving your marriage- it’s not the end of the world.
Instead, why wouldn’t it be your own,
personal, new beginning?
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